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“A Memory”

Silently trudging over curbs painted red,
Didn’t need any words for the words left unsaid.
In a blur we passed through those big green doors,
Our feet led the way on linoleum floors.
Heavy minds, heavy hearts were our burden that day,
That day when Chicago took you away

Those around us could sense but could never ask,
They could not comprehend a face in a mask.
Vision so distorted by tears forthcoming
Made those unfeeling smiles seem liquid and running.
My courage had failed, I pinned heart to sleeve
Hoping somehow you would not leave

The note came, my world crashed, it was time to go,
I fervently prayed time would somehow slow.
But accursed reality reared up its head
And left in my stomach a knot full of dread,
One last, tight embrace as we tried not to cry,
You faded from sight as I whispered “Goodbye”

Then through all the sorrow and anguished sighs,
A happier memory beamed bright in my eyes

It was just you and me
As we sat in that tree,
Smiling and laughing and feeling so free
Nothing, nothing could break that trust
It was only you and me--
We two, just us

For you see, I've not lost you—we’re only apart
I’ll keep this memory alive in my heart
Safe from the dust of a picture or frame,
It will stand through the years just like you;
Just the same.
©2006-2009 ~dashboard4life
:icondashboard4life:

Author's Comments

i dont really know if i submitted this into the right subsection of poetry lol...so if you think i did it wrong and you know where it really belongs, please let me know! :)
comments and/or critique are always welcome, hope you like it

:)

Comments


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:iconphoenixmemory:
the rhymes don't feel at all :heart:
Though, your rhythms aren't quite perfect. For example, the second line could be "Didn't need any words for the words LEFT unsaid," to fit more acurately with the stresses of the syllables.
Good start.

--
“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”
Sylvia Plath
:icondashboard4life:
ah you're right...i'll go back and fix some of those rhythms! and when you say the rhymes don't feel...what do you mean exactly? like emotion-wise? or what? thanks so much for your feedback, i really appreciate it! :D

--
"Reveal everything there is to know about yourself, and let the chips fall where they may." -- Meet Joe Black
:iconphoenixmemory:
OH i meant to say they don't feel forced, my bad. they were good :oops:

--
“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”
Sylvia Plath
:icondashboard4life:
oohhh hahaha. thanks! :hug:

--
"Reveal everything there is to know about yourself, and let the chips fall where they may." -- Meet Joe Black
:iconssjvash228:
aw kelley...chicago isnt that bad... ;p

fantastic poem...i would just change the last line, to put more emphasis on it -

It will stand through the years just like you;
Just the same.

just a suggestion...

you rock!
-khalil

--
"Defender of peace...Chaser of the elusive mayfly known as love" - Vash The Stampede


check out my music videos too- I made these a while ago... it would be cool if i could post em here, but i put it on my site anyways. [link]
:icondashboard4life:
hahah you're right, it isn't THAT bad...:P hehe jk it was a lot of fun last time...cant wait for this summer! :D although it does tend to take on a villainish context when it steals away one's friend...

and thanks for the suggestion, i will fix that! :)

i love ya bunches, khalil! <3 kelley

--
"Reveal everything there is to know about yourself, and let the chips fall where they may." -- Meet Joe Black
:iconsecrethumorman2:
Wow is all I have to say about this poem. Very good job, Kelley.

By the way, this is Luke.

--
Why couldn't God have said "Let there be honesty"?
:icondashboard4life:
aww thanks so much, Luke! :hug:

--
"Reveal everything there is to know about yourself, and let the chips fall where they may." -- Meet Joe Black

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May 1, 2006
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